Monday, April 14, 2014

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

..





Things To Stop Doing To Yourself………
J Stop spending time with the wrong people. – Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.  If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you.  You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot.  Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth.  And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends.

J Stop running from your problems. – Face them head on.  It won’t be easy.  No one  in the world is able to  handling every punch thrown at them.  We aren’t supposed to be able to instantly solve problems.  That’s not how we’re made.  We’re  made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall.  That’s  the purpose of living – to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time.  This is what makes us  the person we become.

J Stop lying to yourself. – You can lie to anyone else in the world, but you can’t lie to yourself.  Our lives improve only when we are honest with ourselves.

J Stop putting your own needs on the back burner. – The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.  Help others; but help yourself too.  Follow your passions and do something for you now.

J Stop trying to be someone you’re not. – Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger, but they will never be you.  Don’t change so people will like you.  Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.

J Stop trying to hold onto the past. – You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.

J Stop being scared to make a mistake. – Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing.  You end up regretting the things you did NOT do far more than the things you did.

J Stop berating yourself for old mistakes. – We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past.  But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future. It’s our mistakes that teach us, make us stronger, and help us know what we do and don’t want from life.  Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.

J Stop trying to buy happiness. – Many of the things we desire are expensive.  But the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are totally free – love, laughter and working on our passions.

J Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness. – If you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be able to find happiness because of someone else.

J Stop being idle. – Don’t think too much or you’ll create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place.  Evaluate situations and take decisive action.  You cannot change what you refuse to confront. 

J Stop thinking you’re not ready. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises.  Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.

J Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons. – Relationships must be chosen wisely.  It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company.  There’s no need to rush.  If something is meant to be, it will happen – in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason. Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.

J Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn’t work. – In life you’ll realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet.  Some will test you, some will use you and some will teach you.  But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you.

J Stop trying to compete against everyone else. – Don’t worry about what others are doing better than you.  Success is a battle between YOU and YOURSELF only.

J Stop being jealous of others. – Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own.  Ask yourself this:  “What’s something I have that everyone wants?”

J Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. – Life’s curveballs are thrown for a reason – to shift your path in a direction that is meant for you.  You may not see or understand everything the moment it happens, and it may be tough.  But reflect back on those negative curveballs thrown at you in the past.  You’ll often see that eventually they led you to a better place, person, state of mind, or situation.  So smile!  Let everyone know that today you are a lot stronger than you were yesterday, and you will be.

J Stop holding grudges. – Don’t live your life with hate in your heart.  You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate.  Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.”  It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.”  Forgiveness is the answer… let go, find peace, liberate yourself!  And remember, forgiveness is not just for other people, it’s for you too.  If you must, forgive yourself, move on and try to do better next time.

J Stop letting others bring you down to their level. – Refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs.

J Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others. – Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it anyway.  Just do what you know in your heart is right.

J Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break. – The time to take a deep breath is when you don’t have time for it.  If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting.  Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.

J Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments. – Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things.  The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.

J Stop trying to make things perfect. – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done.

J Stop following the path of least resistance. – Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something .  Don’t take the easy way out.  Do something worthwhile.

J Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. – It’s okay to fall apart for a little while.  You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well.  You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either – cry if you need to – it’s healthy to shed your tears.  The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.

J Stop blaming others for your troubles. – Take responsibility for your life and your choices.   When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility and throw away your  time. 

J Stop trying to be everything to everyone. – It’s  impossible to do , and trying will burn you out.  Remember that making one person smile CAN change the world.  Maybe not the whole world, but their world.  So narrow your focus.

J Stop worrying so much. – Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy.  One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself  if it will matter in one year’s time?  Three years?  Five years?”  If not, then don’t worry about it.

J Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen. – Focus on what you do want to happen.  If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll usually find you’re right.

J Stop being ungrateful. – No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life.  Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs.  Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, try thinking about what you have  that everyone else is missing.








Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Gloria Turns 80



(click on link for more info about Gloria)



21 Ways Gloria Steinem Taught Us To Be Better Women




Without Gloria Steinem's passionate zest for change and equality, women would not be where we are today.

To celebrate the feminist author, activist and all-around awe-inducing goddess on her 80th birthday, we've compiled some of her best quotes and lessons from over the years.

Here are 21 things Gloria has taught us:

1. Logic trumps all:
"A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle."

2. Never lose sight of your dreams:
"Without leaps of imagination, or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning."

3. Ask questions, be curious, stay hungry for answers:
"God may be in the details, but the goddess is in the questions. Once we begin to ask them, there's no turning back."

4. Don't be afraid to use some muscle:
"Power can be taken, but not given. The process of the taking is empowerment in itself."

5. Seek out knowledge whenever you can:
"We need to remember across generations that there is as much to learn as there is to teach."

6. Everything you read isn't always true:
"Most women's magazines simply try to mold women into bigger and better consumers."

7. Stay grounded:
"A pedestal is as much a prison as any small, confined space."

8. Even if we don't want to, sometimes we need to hear it:
“The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.”

9. Don't take everything at face value:
"The first problem for all of us, men and women, is not to learn, but to unlearn."

10. Feminism really is for everyone:
“A feminist is anyone who recognizes the equality and full humanity of women and men.”

11. Don't be afraid to try new things:
“So whatever you want to do, just do it...Making a damn fool of yourself is absolutely essential.”

12. Not everyone's going to like you and it's O.K. to be O.K. with that:
“Once we give up searching for approval we often find it easier to earn respect.”

13. Women work their asses off:
"If women could sleep their way to the top, there'd be a lot more women at the top."

14. Feminism is only one part of a greater whole:
“Feminism has never been about getting a job for one woman. It's about making life more fair for women everywhere. It's not about a piece of the existing pie; there are too many of us for that. It's about baking a new pie."

15. We are all perfect just the way we are:
“If the shoe doesn't fit, must we change the foot?”

16. The women's movement is not the only one we need to support:
“This is no simple reform. It really is a revolution. Sex and race because they are easy and visible differences have been the primary ways of organizing human beings into superior and inferior groups and into the cheap labor on which this system still depends. We are talking about a society in which there will be no roles other than those chosen or those earned. We are really talking about humanism."

17. We can learn so much from the people around us:
“Each others' lives are our best textbooks.”

18. The female anatomy is truly amazing (and unique):
“I didn’t hear words that were accurate, much less prideful. For example, I never once heard the word clitoris. It would be years before I learned that females possessed the only organ in the human body with no function than to feel pleasure. (If such an organ were unique to the male body, can you imagine how much we would hear about it—and what it would be used to justify?)”

19. We need to love and support one another in order to succeed:
"Any woman who chooses to behave like a full human being should be warned that the armies of the status quo will treat her as something of a dirty joke. That’s their natural and first weapon. She will need her sisterhood."

20. We cannot achieve full equality until men are given the same opportunities as women in all areas of life:
"Women are not going to be equal outside the home until men are equal in it."

21. Value our differences:
"For women… bras, panties, bathing suits, and other stereotypical gear are visual reminders of a commercial, idealized feminine image that our real and diverse female bodies can’t possibly fit. Without these visual references, each individual woman’s body demands to be accepted on its own terms. We stop being comparatives. We begin to be unique."







Friday, March 21, 2014

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Tuesday, March 18, 2014


Mars and Venus


I thought this article from Science Daily was very interesting and provides possible explanations for some of the differences in how men and women handle things.  

 




Stress undermines empathic abilities in men but increases them in women

Date:  March 17, 2014
Source:  Sissa Medialab


Stressed males tend to become more self-centered and less able to distinguish their own emotions and intentions from those of other people. For women the exact opposite is true. Stress, this problem that haunts us every day, could be undermining not only our health but also our relationships with other people, especially for men. Stressed women, however, become more “prosocial” according to new research.


Stressed males tend to become more self-centered and less able to distinguish their own emotions and intentions from those of other people.  For women the exact opposite is true.  Stress, this problem that haunts us every day, could be undermining not only our health but also our relationships with other people, especially for men. Stressed women, however, become more “prosocial,” according to new research.

These are the main findings of a study carried out with the collaboration of Giorgia Silani, from the International School for Advanced Studies (SISSA) of Trieste. The study was coordinated by the Social Cognitive Neuroscience Unit of the University of Vienna and saw the participation of the University of Freiburg. This is the main finding of a study just published in Psychoneuroendocrinology, carried out with the collaboration of SISSA in Trieste.

"There's a subtle boundary between the ability to identify with others and take on their perspective -- and therefore be empathic -- and the inability to distinguish between self and other, thus acting egocentrically" explains Silani. "To be truly empathic and behave prosocially it's important to maintain the ability to distinguish between self and other, and stress appears to play an important role in this."

Stress is a psycho-biological mechanism that may have a positive function: it enables the individual to recruit additional resources when faced with a particularly demanding situation. The individual can cope with stress in one of two ways: by trying to reduce the internal load of "extra" resources being used, or, more simply, by seeking external support. "Our starting hypothesis was that stressed individuals tend to become more egocentric. Taking a self-centred perspective in fact reduces the emotional/cognitive load. We therefore expected that in the experimental conditions people would be less empathic" explains Claus Lamm, from the University of Vienna and one of the authors of the paper.

The surprise was that our starting hypothesis was indeed true, but only for males. In the experiments, conditions of moderate stress were created in the laboratory (for example, the subjects had to perform public speaking or mental arithmetic tasks, etc.). The participants then had to imitate certain movements (motor condition), or recognise their own or other people's emotions (emotional condition), or make a judgement taking on another person's perspective (cognitive condition). Half of the study sample were men, the other half were women.

"What we observed was that stress worsens the performance of men in all three types of tasks. The opposite is true for women" explains Silani.

Why this happens is not yet clear. "Explanations might be sought at several levels," concludes Silani. "At a psychosocial level, women may have internalized the experience that they receive more external support when they are able to interact better with others. This means that the more they need help -- and are thus stressed -- the more they apply social strategies. At a physiological level, the gender difference might be accounted for by the oxytocin system. Oxytocin is a hormone connected with social behaviours and a previous study found that in conditions of stress women had higher physiological levels of oxytocin than men."